We’d like to apologize for the impersonal nature of this standard rejection letter."
People Who Work In Publishing
"Look, I know your cat is sick and that your blog traffic is down and you're in the middle of 'creative upheaval,' per your last e-mail, but I'm really going to need that rent from you now. And no, you cannot pay me in haiku."
"You promised you'd shave your legs this month..."
THIS CONCERNS $480000000 US FUNDS. I WANT YOU TO IMMEDIATELY INFORM ME OF YOUR WILLINGNESS IN ASSISTING / CO-OPERATING WITH US ON MY E-MAIL ADDRESS SO THAT I CAN SEND YOU FULL DETAILS OF THIS TRANSACTION AND LET MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR A MEETING AND DISCUSS AT LENGTH ON HOW TO TRANSFER THE SAID FUND. FINALLY, I AM TRUSTING ON YOUR FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE ABOVE AND HOPING THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY. AWAITING WITH INTEREST YOUR RESPONSE AND HOPING TO DEVELOP GOOD BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU."
Former King of Nigeria
"With the economy the way it is... and the market and... I'm just going to say it. I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go."
Former Boss (no relation to Former King of Nigeria)
"No, I will not read your book. I don't care if we're MySpace friends."